Your situation is a common one for men it takes special circumstances for my heart to thaw from the daily insults inflicted on it by myself and others. I visited another heaven again early this morning. A vivid dream. I was in an area, where there used to be people, but the houses were all gone, you could just barely tell there had been people there once upon a time. I came thru the tall grass to a copse of trees, and there was a little stream there. All sorts of birds had come down to drink, I suppose it was their turn. I love animals in general. None of the animals were afraid of me. One little owl-ette was particularly cute. Then I saw there was a little human presence, an improvised shelter. There was a small trailer or VW bus further in. Three young adults were there, dressed funny, in clothes that were natural instead of artificial. And they were inviting me to stay with them. California heaven. Shalom